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Children need discipline, and it must come from parents.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau in November, 2009, there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the United States today, and those parents are responsible for raising 21.8 million children (approximately 26% of children under 21 in the U.S. today). It means that 26% of our population will experience life with only one parent, or multiple parents/guardians, such as extended families etc. Either way, it is different from the real expectation of one child with a set of parents to take care of that child.
Most single parents engage in dating games, and the message passed to a child is that a new person will take the place of a parent. It can get very confusing, specially when grown ups make babies and can not get along to raise them. It become reality to a child that he or she is in fault.
The remaining 74% of children under 21 in the U.S are being raised by a set of parents. Whether this set of parents are the natural parents it is not clear, but with a divorce rate of about 50%, it is fair to say that a large number of children are being raised with one step-parent, and some step-siblings as well.
Again, the message passed to a child is that grown ups can not keep a promise or engage in long term commitment.
Those, whether single parents or married couples, who end up with the responsibility to raise a child is in charge of cleansing that child's mind of all negativeness from the past.
Parents Do not!
1- Fight in front of the kids
2- Use foul language to express fury in front of the kids
3- Involve kids into your fights
Parents have at least one luggage filled with nonsense they have inherited before they become parents. It is up to each individual to let that luggage interfere with their present. Nonsense is what you get when you are a child and presence your parents fighting, using foul language towards one another, or fight because of something related with timing and activities involving the children.
If you are a parent and if you committed the 3 do not mentioned above, chances are you came from a family that did not obey it either. Your nonsense is spreading and it will never stop. You were somehow a difficult teen who got away with things, and now as a parent you see things differently.
It is your fault! You can blame your parents if you want, but it is your fault because you have children now. If they do not obey your rules, it is because you let them get away before. Your sense of discipline was way out of order. You did not set the rules when your teen was a child, and now it is uncontrollable. He or she will face difficulties on their own. If they are not already in trouble.
It is too late to start setting "the rules of the house". You lost this battle. If you have a teen who is out of control,
Parents Do not!
1- Confront them with new rules
2- Invade their privacy
3- Reason with your teen. He will not hear you.
Parents Do this:
1- Cut part of the allowance. If there was none, give some money for expenses.
2- Encourage some of his friends to come over.
3- Try to be at the same age and get involved with activities.
Do not serve alcohol to minors and do not allow it in your house. If it comes to that, call the police. Do not hit your teen, for you will go to jail. Have lots of food available when friends come over, so they will spend more time at your place, and less time doing something wrong. Be creative and allow them to bring their computer to play games in teams. Have hot dogs and hamburgers for them all. Try to get inside your child's head as a mentor, and not as a pal. When ready, ask for forgiveness for committing the 3 don'ts for parents by doing things that would affect your child's life. Maybe this could change into something better, but do not hold too much expectation. Be sincere, for you had fights while your child was in the back sit of the car. You said nasty things to one another inside the house. You involved your child in some dispute.
You still can win this entire combat. You will make your child a good parent, considering that you THINK you failed in your endeavor. Be honest and take the blames specifically, to help your child to cleanse his mind of negative thoughts. Take the blame for everything and everyone, including your parents because they did not know any better. As long as you take the blame, you can then ask your teen to put a stop in this cycle of fights that affects everyone.
Teach him to respect his partner and treat everyone as co-workers. If we all learn to treat everyone as co-workers we would be happier. Work as a team with your partner - not against him.
If you have a child less than 5, you can not tolerate this child be out of control. Discipline need to be reinforced at this age, and zero tolerance for wrong doings. Rules must be direct. Time to go to bed, time to get up, shower, eat, play, etc. Time for fun with parents is necessary. Do not mix rules - it creates confusion.
Watch Super Nanny to get an idea how to discipline yourself and your child.
LEARN TO SPREAD THESE RULES:
Parents Do not!
1- Fight in front of the kids
2- Use foul language to express fury in front of the kids
3- Involve kids into your fights
If you would like to send a direct comment, please do so to
Milton@ibt-eft.com
